What are you doing?
- Nothing. - I thought you were going shopping.
It's late. I have to go.
- How are you feeling? - All right.
Look, I have to go to this dinner. I'm sorry.
All right.
Do you think you're going to get over this period of your life?
Because I find it very depressing.
All right.
Daddy, I want to be the signal-box man.
Darling...
Yeah, all right.
This is Jake Armitage. My wife, Jo.
- Hello. - Hello. How do you do?
- Daddy, Daddy! - Sit down over there.
Oh! Excuse me.
- Who's he, Mummy? - A friend of Daddy's.
Why did you put that on the line?
- I'm joining it to the diesel. - This is a non-stop express.
You shouldn't have done that. You should have let me do it.
- What do you think of them? - Marvellous.
Here you are.
- Do you like my car? - Is this your car?
Yes.
- Where did you learn how to sew? - I...
You know in the car, on the way here, I said to you, "Mummy..."
Why isn't there a front to it, then?
- Well, it's not quite finished. - No, it's not! Give it back!
Really, you two boys!
Jack, will you stop breaking down the partitions!
- Tea? - I'll help you.
What's that?
That? The windmill.
Well, where's the, er... thing?
Oh. I don't know.
- Does anybody live there? - No, I don't think so.
Why on earth do you want to marry my son?
- Why not? - Incomprehensible.
He'd be an impossible husband.
- Just a minute, I... - No, I assure you. He's got no money.
He's bone-lazy, drinks too much.
- Oh, he's quite useless. - Thank you.
He's going to be a very successful writer.
Do you think so?
What do the children say?
Well, we haven't actually discussed it with them.
Do you like children?
Yes, of course, I do. Yes.
Have you ever actually known any?
Do you realise what you're saddling yourself with?
- Yes, yes. - A zoo.
A children's zoo. And their keeper.
Are you reconciled to keeping a zoo and its keeper?
Yes, of course. I mean, yes.
- Are you fit? - Well, I...
You know something of my daughter's record, I suppose?
Yes, I do. I want to marry her.
Well, you're a fool.
The least I can do is to give you some sort of start, I suppose.
- Do you think that's fair? - Fair?
I said I think you're a fool, but I'll give you a start.
- Do you think that's fair? - Yes, very fair.
Right. Well, the first thing we must do is to shed the load.
- Far too many children. - What do you mean?
I suggest we send the oldest two to boarding school.
That's two off your hands.
- No. That's ridiculous. - Now listen.
This is not your business, but Jake's
It's the burden on him that's ridiculous.
I don't want them to go away to school.
- Why not? They'd love it. - They wouldn't love it.
I'd love it. Jake'd love it. They can stay with us during the holidays.
- Why don't we just give them away? - Well, it's only the first two.
- I mean, there are others. - Now listen.
I'm not going to have you trailing home
with half a dozen more children in five years' time,
and another messed-up marriage on your hands.
You aren't going to be allowed to crush this poor boy before he starts.
He's going to have to work like a galley slave as it is.
We can't afford to send them away to school.
Well, I'm paying.
Oh! Thank you very much.
I've also managed to buy you
a fairly good lease on a London house.
It's, er... quite reasonable.
It's old, but it should suit you very well.
It'll pretty well clean me out,
but you may as well have the money now as when I'm dead.
- Oh, Mummy! - Do you like it?
Yes! It's super!
Look, Mummy, they're here before us!
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- Yes, isn't it! - Yes, isn't it!
Look, Mummy, they're here before us!
I think it's going to be wonderful with all of us here.
What do you think of it, Elizabeth?
- It's gorgeous, Mummy. - Yes, it is. Quite gorgeous.
- What do you think of it, Dinah? - I think it's absolutely lovely.
- Oh gosh, I'm sorry. - It's all right.
- Ah! - Well, this is it.
You're my first marriage, my first husband.
You've been married three times.
No. You're the first.
- Are the children asleep? - Yes.
I'll close the door.
I want to go away with you,
and come back with you,
and live with you.
You will.
You'll never go from me.
We'll have the same life.
Do you want anything else?
No.
I don't want anything else.
- Can I tell you a story? - Oh, yes!
- Do you like living in this house? - Yes. Why, don't you?
- Yes... - A story about a killer whale.
- How long are we going to live here? - We're moving in the morning.
We're not! Where?
We're building a big house near the windmill on top of the hill.
- What hill? - Lift your foot.
- It's about this whale. - What hill?
By the barn where we used to live.
Are we going to move to that windmill? The one by the barn?
Sure.
- What, in the morning? - Well, we'll have lunch first.
Why can't we just go back and live in the barn?
- Hurry up. - A story about two whales and a shark.
- What sort of a house? - Well, there'll be eight bathrooms, all for me.
- One for me! - None for you.
- Where's the opener? - Just a minute!
- Mummy? - Yes, darling, what is it?
- Where's the opener? - This drawer.
Look, I'm upside down!
Do you want one?
Oh! I'll have one.
Thank you, dear.
Oh! That one got me.
It'll wipe off.
Oh, dear.
- Let's go out today. - Go where?
I don't know. Take them out.
What, all of them?
Good God! Who's that?
I've never see half of them. Who are they?
Oh, you know who they are. They're friends of Elizabeth's.
I'll take them out if you like.
- You can get some rest. - No, no, don't be silly.
- No, I will. - I won't hear of it.
It's Saturday. We can go out.
What are you doing in there?
What do you want, turnips or swedes?
- Turnips or swedes? - Yes.
Or both, if you like.
Turnips or swe...
Turnips or swedes?
Just a minute, I'll have to think about that.
What's her name?
- Philpot. - That's ridiculous.
Why does she have to stay with us?
She's got nowhere else to go. Don't mind, do you?
Anyway, she'll be company for you.
Wives don't usually like me.
I like them, that's the funny thing.
I seem to worry them somehow.
I don't know, they get so ratty, people's wives.
Funny thing is, I like them better than their husbands.
Do you think that's funny? Perhaps I'm not normal.
I'm sure I'm normal, really.
Perhaps it's just I'm abnormal. I can't see how I can be, can you?
I mean, I've been told I'm frigid.
I don't see how you can tell.
I mean, honestly, how can you tell whether you're...
- I shouldn't think you are. Just a minute. - Sorry.
- Anyway, you don't look it. - I think you're marvellous.
I really do. I think you're absolutely marvellous.
You're so capable, all you do, all the children and everything.
The way you cope.
Of course, Jake is the most fabulous husband and father.
He's the most fabulous husband and...
- Can I get into the...? - ...most fabulous husband.
- How many are his? - Uh... One.
One?
- One is his, the others aren't his? - No, they're not.
Still, he's a wonderful father to them all, isn't he?
Why does Philpot have to stay with us?
She's been turned out of her flat.
But why does she have to stay with us? We've got enough people.
- Well, she's looking for another one. - I've never seen her look.
- Who is she? - She's a friend of a friend of Daddy's.
But why does she have to sleep in my bed?
- Why can't I sleep in my bed? - Why doesn't she go home?
Because she hasn't got a home.
- She smells of fish. - She doesn't, she smells of onions.
Yesterday she had a spot on her chin, but she squeezed it out this morning.
- Ugh! - She stinks of fish.
No, she doesn't stink at all. Now stop it.
- What's the difference? - Anyway, it's just perfume.
- It's fish! - Anyway, I like her.
Dad had to catch her yesterday when she fainted.
- I bet it was awful, the smell. - Fainted?
Is this how you faint? Do you faint like this?
Oh, for goodness' sake, get up.
You're covered in mud! Look at it!
Now hurry up. It's turning very cold. I want no more talk about Philpot.
That's the end of it.
It must be wonderful to have a man working in the house, mustn't it?
Working at home.
Oh, you shouldn't have brought me tea, really!
I should get up. I mustn't have tea in bed, really.
It's bad for me.
But honestly, it must be so challenging, don't you think, to write for the films?
It must be so challenging, don't you think, the cinema is?
Wouldn't you say?
Of course, his understanding is so extraordinary, his innate...
Like the way he draws his characters.
Swift strokes, so swift.
And, of course, for you, after all your struggles,
to suddenly have success on the doorstep.
After all those husbands you've had and everything.
Of course, you're so intelligent and everything,
and, of course, so beautiful.
Do you help him much with his work?
No, not much.
Are you feeling any better?
Better?
You weren't too well.
Oh, I'm perfect.
It's... it's so warm here.
So real.
I've never felt such a sense of reality as there is here.
Do you know what I mean?
- Does Philpot faint much? - What?
Philpot. Does she do a lot of fainting?
How the hell should I know? And why should she faint?
What's she got to faint about?
- Children said she fainted yesterday. - I don't know.
Did she?
- They said you caught her. - Me?
- Yes. - Well, why should I catch her?
- To stop her head from banging on... - What head? What are you talking about?
- Did you catch her when she fainted? - How would I know?!
- There's no need to shout. - Shout?!
My God. I'm not shouting. You're the one who's shouting.
Where's she gone?
She's just gone out the front door.
Has she?
- Well, don't you think that's a bit odd? - What?
Well, I mean, we've just come in, haven't we? Now she's gone out.
She's probably gone for a walk. Why don't you take your coat off?
What?
Why is she gone?
- Do you want some coffee? - No. No, thank you.
What did you think of the film?
What did you think of the bloody film?
Nothing.
I didn't think anything about it.
Is your film going to be any better, the one you're writing?
- Do you think it's going to be better? - Now, listen...
Do you like sitting between two women? Does that thrill you?
Does it give you a thrill?
Yes, it does. It really does.
What do you think I ought to do about it?
Should I go and see a psychiatrist about it?
- All right. What's... - Now, look. Listen, it was nothing.
Nothing, do you understand?
What do you mean, it was nothing? What do you mean, nothing?
What do you think I mean?
- What did you catch her for? - I didn't catch her.
- She fainted. - What does it matter
whether I caught her or not? I didn't catch her.
What does it matter? Don't you understand? Who cares?
- I care. - About what?
I care about you. Who else?
Me? You don't care about me.
All you care about is that bloody great army of kids
I'm supposed to slave my guts out for.
That's all you care about. Where do I come in?
I can't even have a bath in peace.
I can't even go to bed with you without one of them barging in into the middle.
But so what? You don't care.
I'm sick of living in a bloody nursery. Where the hell do I come in?
What are you sniggering for?
Think it's funny, I suppose, because I tell the truth for once.
The truth?
That I'm capable of fancying somebody else.
I'm a perfectly normal man and I'm capable of fancying somebody else.
Come on.
She was just here, that's all.
I was bored with the script. It was nothing. Forget it.
- Did you sleep with her? - Don't be silly.
- You didn't? - No.
- Promise? - Yes.
- Do you still want to? - Yes.
Come on, Daddy.
What do you want?
Jake, my...
Oh! Oh!
I couldn't find Daddy.
I called the studio but he wasn't there.
I left a message.
- Shall we go in here? - Yes.
- Would you like a drink? - No, not for me, thanks.
I should have got in touch with you before.
It's been getting worse all the time. Going on for ages.
A girlfriend of hers was staying with us at the time, then she left.
Yes, it was around that period, but it's been getting worse all the time.
- What, exactly? - I don't know.
I can't get near her.
She thinks everybody's against her, keeps finding fault all the time.
- Haven't you any idea why? - No.
I mean, breaking down in Harrods like that.
Harrods, of all places!
Has there been any kind of trouble between you?
No.
There's nothing particular, no specific problem?
No. Nothing at all.
I think perhaps she should see a psychiatrist.
- Should she? - It might be a good idea.
All right. If she wants to.
- He might want to see you, too. - Me?
Yes. After all, you are her husband.
I don't really see what I...
She probably wants to have another child, that's what it is.
Well, why doesn't she? She's a perfectly healthy woman.
We've got enough. Have you counted them?
Any sane person would know we've got enough.
When is she going to face facts?
She's a beautiful woman. She could join in, live,
but all she wants to do is sit in a corner and give birth.
Well, I'll get in touch with this man.
- Be kind to her. - Kind? I'm always kind to her.
Good night, Doctor.
No, I tried. I couldn't get through to you before.
No, there was somebody here. I just couldn't...
- Asleep? - No.
- Has he gone? - Mm-hm.
- What did he say? - Oh, nothing much.
- You'll be all right. - Yes.
I am.
When are they going to finish the new house?
Soon.
We've finished the script.
Mmmm.
We're going to Morocco in a couple of weeks.
Would you like to come? I mean...
it would mean living in tents and all that, but if you feel like it...
Well, I couldn't just sit in a tent.
You wouldn't have to stay in the tent.
You could come and watch what's going on, if you wanted to.
Anyway, there's all that sun. You could drive about.
- It's a beautiful country. - Fergus loved the train.
What train?
Your birthday present.
The one your secretary sent for you.
Anyway, the doctor...
We arranged for a good psychiatrist for you to go and see.
Why don't you come down to the studio tomorrow?
- What for? - To meet everyone.
They all want to meet you. Watch the work. It might interest you.
- I don't want to come to the studio. - You're not interested in what I do?
- You never ask me. - I just asked you.
- I've asked you a dozen times. - You don't want me to come.
- Oh, that's silly. - No.
It's not what you want.
You've never shown the slightest interest in anything I do, or...
Why are we talking about it?
You're just not interested in what I do, are you?
You leave me. You're never with me.
I have to work. It's my life.
- Where's mine? Where's my life?! - With me!
I've worked. What's wrong with that? I've had to work, haven't I?
What do you expect me to do? The children go to good schools.
- Do you love me? - I wouldn't be here if I didn't.
- You'd always be here if you did. - Oh, that's ridiculous.
- Always. - You resent the money. That's what you resent.
Money! It has nothing to do with the money.
Well, look at that damned kitchen! Look at all of this!
What about the new house? That's what you wanted me to do. I've done it.
Now I suppose you just want to go back and live in that barn!
It has nothing to do with the kitchen.
It has nothing to do with the money.
It has nothing to do with any of it.
Well, what? What is it?
What do you want? Hm? What?
- You're going out. - I have to.
Don't go out now. Why are you going out now?
I've got to. You know that. I can't not go.
Stay.
Not for long.
I'm late. It's business, not friends.
- If it was friends, you could come. - What friends?
We haven't got any friends.
The only friend I ever had was Philpot.
But she was more your friend, wasn't she, than mine?
But of course you've had lots of friends since Philpot, haven't you?
Lots of nice friends. For years.
You're quite wrong.
I don't want to come to the studio.
I don't want to meet your... people.
Never.
They're ready for you to come and say good night to them, Mrs Armitage.
Mrs Armitage?
- Are they out of the bath? - Yes, sir.
- Bye, Dad. - Bye.
- Say goodbye to Daddy. - Goodbye, Daddy.
Bye!
- Bye! - Bye!
Goodbye, Daddy!
Goodbye!
So you do like children, Mrs Armitage?
- Well, they don't do you any harm. - Yes.
Yes. Let's see.
- Now, you have... - I had them of my own free will.
- Of course. - Nobody forced me to have them.
Your two eldest boys have been at boarding school for some years.
- Yes. For some years. - You agreed to their going away.
Yes.
Have you seen them recently?
No. Not recently.
Do you want to see them?
I believe they're doing terribly well.
Tell me about your first husband.
- I can't remember. - Oh?
You were married to him for two years.
Well...
He was sweet.
Quite sweet.
Drank a bit, I think.
He was nice.
He was killed.
The second one was a violinist. Giles.
He was nice.
We lived in this, er... barn with the children.
Hardly went out, really.
For some years, I think.
Why did you leave him?
What happened?
Happened?
Jake happened.
Excuse me.
I do hope you don't mind.
I've just been looking at a photograph of you in one of these magazines.
A photograph of you all, all your family,
your wonderful children and your wonderful husband.
I thought it must be the same person.
Yes.
I think you're much lovelier than your photo.
I do, really.
- Do you mind my speaking to you? - No.
To tell you the truth, my life is an empty place.
To tell you the honest truth.
Your eyes are much more beautiful than your photograph.
I suppose you didn't always have things so good.
That's why you appreciate, don't you?
I never dreamed I'd meet you like this.
And, well, you're so kind to me,
you're so full of sympathy for me.
My husband doesn't come near me any more.
No, nowhere near me.
But don't you think I'm still attractive any more? I think I'm still attractive.
Of course you are.
I'm not as attractive as you are.
But in a different way I am.
That's one thing I do know.
I had a hysterectomy operation four months ago.
Yes, a hysterectomy.
You know, they take it all away.
You should see the way men look at me. The way they still look at me.
You can tell by that, you see. I'm desirable.
I'm not old. I know.
But... he doesn't seem to care about cheering me up any more.
I'm so thirsty.
- Would you like some tea? - I'm off liquids.
Oh.
- I am sorry. - It's no use your being sorry!
What are you going to do about it?
I've just told you, my life is an empty place!
Well, what do you want me to do about it?
Well, don't do me any favours, for a start.
Don't patronise me, for a start!
But I'm not.
- I'm really not. - "I'm not."
"I'm really not."
God, I thought you'd be different.
I thought you'd be a very different woman, miss.
I thought you'd be very different from the woman you are!
- I'm sorry. - Oh, are you? Yes, you look sorry
You've got such wonderful children.
Well, they're wonderful, wonderful.
I think you're wonderful, too.
You must be a lovely woman.
You must be such a lovely woman.
I think women are the only ones.
I think they're the only ones.
I can see your grace and sweetness just sitting there.
What does your husband think of you?
Does he find you attractive? Hm?
Hey! I've been thinking,
do you think your husband would find me desirable?
- Look, I really... - I'd show him some tricks.
I'd show him some tricks. You want to bet?
I'd show him a few things I bet you don't know.
My love. My little darling.
Anyone ever clawed your skin off?
Hm? You see these claws?
Ever had your skin clawed off?
Is your hair dry yet, madam?
Are you...
Are you going to give me two little curls this time?
Are you? Over the ears?
You know, one each side?
Are you? Are you?
What has Jake got to do with me?
Why do you keep asking me about Jake?
I come here and all you ask me about is Jake. Why the hell don't you see Jake?
Perhaps it's him you should be seeing, not me.
Besides, there's nothing to say about him.
Do you like him?
No.
- Do you love him? - Yes. So what?
- You don't... - What?
I've forgotten what I was going to say.
Do you think Jake is likely to change?
No.
What would you say was the difference
between Jake and your previous husbands?
They weren't necessary.
When you say they weren't necessary...
You need a bowl in front of that gas fire.
- A bowl? - Of water.
- A bowl of water. - Ah, yes.
- You need it, for God's sake. - Mm.
Trouble is, if you have a bowl of water,
people throw matchsticks into it.
They float about for days and become soggy, the water becomes black,
and anyway, it all dries up anyway.
Do you find the thought of sex without children obscene, Mrs Armitage?
No.
Are you sure the idea doesn't disgust you?
I mean, perhaps you find the idea... messy.
Perhaps sex is something you feel you must sanctify, as it were,
by incessant reproduction.
I shall have to give that question a little thought.
You would do well to, I think.
I won't be seeing you for a couple of weeks.
- Just go on with the pills, will you? - A couple of weeks?
I'm sorry, didn't my secretary tell you?
I'm off to Tenerife on Friday for a spot of water-skiing.
- It's my great passion, I'm afraid. - Water-skiing!
Oh, and cut down on liquids as much as you can.
Can we make an appointment for the 19th?
Can't make it.
No. Can't make the 19th.
Then what about the... 20th?
- Can't make it. - Oh, come now.
- What liquids? - Well, liquids.
Yes, but what liquids?
Listen, why are you going to Tenerife?
Why don't you go to Cannes? Why Tenerife? Where is Tenerife?
Why the hell don't you go to Cannes? Or Portofino?
Why Tenerife?
Come on, quick! Dad!
Where's the boy? Hello. Where's Mummy?
There.
Come on. Come on. Let's go.
Elizabeth, give me that parcel.
Here. It's supposed to be lucky.
Hey, don't open those all at once.
- None of you have been good enough. - Yes, we have!
- They've got our names on! - What?
- Have you seen any elephants? - Yes, of course I did.
- What's in here? - I don't know. You open it.
- Did you see any lions? - Yes.
Mm... Who put all the soda in that?
- I got a star for spelling! - There's a special one for you.
Cor! Thanks, Dad!
What's in here?
I'm all right now.
Darling,
I wish you'd been there. It was a marvellous place.
- Was it? - Come here.
Hurst and Beth hated each other on sight, of course.
- Did they? - Mm.
Some ridiculous business about a camel.
He got her up on this camel. Pure spite, of course.
She was dead drunk. Anyway...
Give it to me! It's mine! Give it to me!
I'm going to tell about you! Cry-baby!
I'm going to tell on you!
So, what happened?
Hm?
Well, what was so funny was really what she was wearing.
- On the camel? - Mm. What she had...
Mark!
What are you doing?
Nothing!
- We've got lunch ready soon for you. - Mm.
- Bit of a racket. - Saturday morning.
- Turn one of those off! - I had mine on first!
I said turn one of those off, at once. This minute!
It doesn't matter.
Turn them both off!
- Tell me about it. - What?
- About the camel, and... - It's pretty uninteresting, really.
What's the matter?
- You're not going to cry, are you? - No.
There's nothing to cry about, is there?
- Look, why don't we ask them round? - Who?
- All of them. Tonight. - Tonight?
Yes. Why not? All of them.
- Who? - Hurst, the Conways, all of them.
Then I can find out all about it properly. Come on.
No. You don't want that lot around here tonight.
- Anyway, they're probably not free. - Well, ring and find out.
- Do you want to? - Yes, I do.
I'll ring.
- What's the Conways' number? - Hey!
Have you been having an affair with that doctor or something?
Yes. How did you know?
What are you up to, hmm?
Professional people are just a lot of bloody parasites.
The lot of them. Doctors, lawyers... You know what I mean.
Parsons. The whole bloody crew.
Now, I call myself a tradesman
because, in my opinion, it's the only thing left to respect in this world.
Yes, in my honest opinion.
An honest tradesman is the only thing left to respect in this world.
A man like me, for instance, a common or garden stockbroker.
The rest of them are just a lot of bloody frauds.
What do you think? Come on, what do you think?
- Well, I... - What?
Excuse me a second. I think you want another drink.
Well, you see, there was this man.
All his life, the one thing he wanted more than anything else
was to beat a woman. No, no. It's quite true.
Really. It's a true story. The one thing he really wanted to do.
But he never met anybody who wanted him to do it, you see.
But actually, he was a very nice chap. Very quiet...
- How's things? - Oh, fabulous!
Dad's really with it tonight, isn't he?
I didn't know Beth Conway was blonde. I thought she was sort of red.
She's lovely, isn't she? Isn't she smiling at you?
- Have you spoken to her? - Here you are, dear.
- Oh, thank you. - Well, who's this?
- My mother. - Really?
Hello. Just a minute.
It's got nothing to do with you, darling.
It has absolutely everything to do with me, as a matter of fact.
- You really are terribly masculine. - Am I really?
"There's nothing I'd love more in the whole world."
Well, he couldn't believe his ears!
I had three showers a day absolutely every single day.
What were the peasants like?
Extraordinarily interesting. Fascinating faces.
Lots of character, I suppose.
- Oh, lots, lots. - Peasants usually do have.
After all that, at last they stood there,
stark naked, looking at each other, you know.
He had the cane in his hand!
And then suddenly, to his amazement, to his horror and amazement,
he saw that she was holding a cane, too!
"What's all this?" he said.
And suddenly she thwacked him with all her might!
Argh! You know the man!
Darling, Beth wants your advice. I've told her you know all about children.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
What my wife needs is another half-dozen, and quick.
- Did you like Morocco? - Oh, it was quite fun.
Quite fun, really.
Professional people are just a lot of bloody parasites.
Doctors, lawyers, parsons.
You know what I mean, Jake. The whole bloody lot of them.
Now, I call myself a tradesman,
because it's the only thing left to respect, in my honest opinion.
In my honest opinion, an honest tradesman's the only thing left to respect in this world.
My honest opinion.
- You'd say that in all honesty? - In all honesty, Jake.
In complete honesty, old boy. You ask Beth.
She knows that I mean what I say. Ask her.
My husband always means what he says.
Does yours?
You'd better ask him.
He writes film scripts beautifully anyway, doesn't he?
He's got such, oh, extraordinary understanding, such swift...
you know, kind of illumination of people.
Some of the scenes with John actually really made me cry.
You must have got sand in your eye.
Lots of sand in Morocco, was there?
Mm.
- Another drink? - I'm fine.
Mr Conway?
- No, I don't think I will, thank you very much. - I will.
You know, I looked after our baby girl when Beth was away.
- How did she respond to that? - How did she respond?
I'm her father.
She's an intelligent woman, your wife.
Oh, no. I'm not at all.
Oh, I think he's right. I think you look very intelligent.
I like intelligent women. They're stimulating.
And vital. Vital.
That's what makes them intelligent, I suppose.
Yes, it depends which way you look at it.
Jake's got an idea for a new film. It takes place on the Italian Riviera.
We could all go, all of us together, the four of us.
Well, think what fun we could have!
- They've nearly finished the house. - Have they?
Good.
You're a marvellous colour.
It was hot.
You smell of the sun.
- Do you think she's attractive? - Who?
- Beth. - Oh.
She's all right, I suppose.
I need you.
What about those Arab women?
- I can't begin to tell you. - Did they like you?
Wouldn't leave me alone.
Did they touch you like this?
Jo! Jo!
- Where's Mummy? - She's upstairs, finding some more plates.
- I want the red ball! - After tea.
Jo!
Mummy! Mummy!
- Can I have the big red ball? - What?
- Mark wants the big red ball. - Here it is.
Catch!
- Going to throw it at Sharon! - Bertie, Bertie, run!
- What are you looking at? - The barn.
- Does anybody live there? - No.
- I don't think so. - I love you.
He was such a good man. Nobody knew how good he was.
Have you told Jake yet? He was very fond of George.
And George was fond of him.
- George really was fond of him. - I know.
He didn't care for the others much, but I don't know...
He was really fond of Jake.
- Jake was fond of him, too. - I know he was.
I'll never see him again.
I'm glad he wanted to be cremated.
I wish I could believe I'd see him again.
But I'm glad he'll be cremated.
I couldn't bear to think of him... buried.
The thought of him under that... I mean, just the thought...
- Mother. - Just to think, just to think...
Mother, listen. I want to tell you something.
- I'm going to have a baby. - What?
No! You can't.
You're not... You're not. You can't.
Well, there it is.
But what can Jake be thinking of?
He doesn't know. Nobody knows.
You must be mad.
- Aren't you ever going to get any rest? - It'll be all right.
How can you be so careless, and so thoughtless?
How can you want to start all that over again?
He was so fond of you, he was. And so proud of you, too. He really was.
Only the other night he said we must go and see your new film, he did.
- Of course, he couldn't go. - No.
No. Oh, no, he couldn't go.
Oh, dear, there they are. There they are.
You go and wait in the garden and I'll...
Thank you, sir. I'm very sorry to trouble you, sir.
He loved his vegetables.
We never bought a single vegetable until last winter.
He just couldn't manage it any more.
Remember the strawberries, Dinah?
- You loved his strawberries. - Yes. They were marvellous.
- I know you did. - In a few minutes.
- How's things at home? - Fine.
- Chaos. - It isn't. All in order.
Oh, I don't know what George would have said if he knew.
Knew? About what?
You could let this off for allotments, couldn't you?
He loved the children,
but he always thought there were too many, always.
I don't know what you're thinking of, Jake, really.
- What do you mean? - Are they ready yet?
It's too much.
I'm glad he didn't live to see it.
- Go and find out if they're ready. - What do you mean? See what?
- Won't they tell us when they're ready? - No, they won't.
They might be waiting for something. Go on, please.
Okay.
At least he's going to be cremated.
- I'm so glad about that. - Live to see what?
On top of everything else.
As if she hasn't got enough.
Mind you, he loved... he loved the children.
Oh look, the boys are here.
The boys have come.
They're ready, Mummy.
Hello, Mum.
Hello. Hello.
Hello.
Dinah.
What do you think of your sister?
Pretty good.
- Everything all right? - Fine.
Yes, fine.
Come along.
It was when the coffin went in. You know, when they pushed it in.
I think that's when it was.
well, it might be possible.
You know, God might be possible. Have you read Thomas Aquinas?
Well, I'm reading this book. It's marvellous.
"That the divine being cannot be..." Wait a minute.
"...cannot be specified by the addition of a substantial difference."
- See what I mean? - Mm-hm.
"Since all things which are subject to divine..."
- You look awful. - I feel it.
- You must be tired. - Mm. And you?
Mm-hm.
- I'm sorry. - Sorry?
I know you don't want it.
I know you don't want the baby.
Can't be helped.
It will be all right. It will.
I mean, you'll like it.
I mean, perhaps it'll be a girl.
You've never had a daughter.
When we get the house ready, we could spend the summer there,
spread out a bit. I mean...
- You won't notice. - It really doesn't matter.
It does. It does matter.
You really don't want it.
No.
- What do you want, then? - It doesn't matter, does it?
- Why? - Because I don't want it, that's why.
I wanted us to change, and now we can't change, you see?
I thought we could change, branch out, be free.
Now we can't. We're back where we started.
I'm not blaming you. I blame myself. It's my fault, I know that.
But we haven't lived.
I don't want it. It'd kill us.
I really thought that we could begin and...
Remember you used to say that you wanted to be with me wherever I went,
wanted to go with me everywhere?
Well...
We could travel. We can afford it.
Even have a proper honeymoon.
Go for a world trip or something.
Now with this, we're trapped here. Again.
I mean, there is a world apart... apart from birth.
There's a world apart from...
Look, we don't want any more. How can we have any more?
Darling,
I know the idea of abortion's repellent to you. It is to me, too.
It's ghastly, the idea of abortion, but...
After all, it would be legal. You've been treated for depression.
The psychiatrist says that... he advises that, medically,
for your health's sake, you shouldn't have this child.
There wouldn't be anything underhand.
I got you into this and I just want you to be happy.
I want to get you out of it. I want to get us both out of it,
while there's still time for us, that's all.
Now, you're really quite certain, Mrs Armitage, that you don't want this child?
Yes. I'm quite certain.
I have, in fact, already had a long talk
with your doctor and your psychiatrist, Mr Ingram.
We all appear to be in complete agreement on this matter.
We do consider that, by having this child,
your health would be severely affected.
But we also feel that we should point out
that the reasons for recommending that this pregnancy be terminated
must apply with equal validity to any future pregnancy.
Do you see what I mean?
You've had a considerable number of children.
Perhaps it would be wise for you not to have any more.
It's, um... it's a matter of sterilisation.
Perfectly simple and straightforward.
And afterwards, you can live a completely normal married life.
But, of course, you'll never conceive again.
What did my husband say?
Oh, he left the decision entirely to you, of course. As we'd do.
Oh, darling, be careful. You'll hurt yourself.
- I'm so happy. - Good.
I'm free, you see.
- I'm free, aren't I? - Yes, I know.
Completely free.
We don't have to worry about it any more.
It'll just never happen. We don't have to worry about it any more.
Never.
Oh, I'm going to get rid of that nanny, for a start.
I've always hated her.
Then we can move to the country, to the new house...
Yes.
...and live with the children again, properly.
And then we can go away together, hmm?
And just do anything.
Yes.
- Be careful. Be careful. - Yes.
- Hello, Mummy. - Hello, darling.
- I brought you these. - Thank you.
They don't stand much of a chance with all these others.
- Ah, yes, they do. - Look at them!
Whew!
- Who are they all from? - Oh, mostly friends of Daddy's.
- You feeling better? - Marvellous.
- How are the children? - Oh, fine.
It was a sort of womb thing, I suppose, was it?
Yes. Something like that.
Does it happen to everyone?
No.
Of course not.
- It just happens to some women? - Mm-hm.
Oh, look. Come on, help me make this list. We're going to make a clean sweep.
- What list? - There are going to be some changes made.
- What? - We're going to do things.
- When? - Immediately.
- Right. - We start moving things to the new house.
- Anything! What things? - Anything.
- All that junk in the attic? - All that junk.
- It's not all junk! - Oh, put it down!
- How? - "Move junk to the new house."
We'll buy lots of furniture for the new house. Lots and lots and lots and lots of new furniture.
- Send everything to the cleaners. - We forgot to phone the removal.
- Hello! What's going on? - Nothing.
- Eh? Let me see. - No.
- Let me see. - You can't!
Oh, sheets. There's a pile of old sheets in the cupboard.
- We never use them. - Throw them away.
- Put it down. - All right.
Hey, what are you writing?
"Love, Jake"? What a funny thing to put!
They're a beautiful lot of flowers.
- Nice of everybody to have sent them. - Mm-hm.
- Have you written to them all thanking them? - Mm-hm.
- Have you written to the Conways? - Mm-hm.
Good. Good.
Ooh!
Oh!
Oi!
- Oh, my dear. - Darling, give me a kiss!
Keep that upright.
- Let the gentleman get by. - That one?
No, that bottom one stays.
That's just about the lot, then.
- Hello. - This is Bob Conway.
- Who? - Conway. You know, Beth's husband.
Oh, Mr Conway. How are you? I'm afraid Jake's at the studio.
- Actually, I wanted to... - Could you hold on for just a minute?
Mrs Tedd will be waiting for you at the house.
- Mrs Tedd. Right, madam. Thank you. - Thank you. Sorry.
- Could you have tea with me tomorrow? - What?
Something I wanted to talk to you about.
Oh, I don't think I could really manage. I'm taking the children to the zoo.
- Splendid! What could be nicer? - What?
- I mean, why don't I see you there? - All right.
Why don't you meet us all at that place by the penguins? The tea place?
- Perfect! - Fine.
I shall look forward to it. Thank you.
- See you there about four o'clock. - Bye, now.
Bye-bye.
Don't you look pretty in that dress!
What animals do you like best?
- Mark? - What about you, huh?
Penguins!
- Aren't they delicious! - May we see the bears now?
- All right. But don't run away from Nanny. - Elizabeth!
Elizabeth, come here! Come here, Elizabeth!
- Well, how are you? - Fine.
This is nice. I hope you don't mind my gate-crashing the little party.
Oh, no. Not at all.
Well, why don't we have some tea?
Miss?
I bet you were surprised when I phoned, weren't you?
I think that secret meetings are rather fun. Don't you?
- That depends on what they're all about. - Ah, too true.
Ah. Well, now, we can have brown bread and butter and jam,
brown bread, butter and marmalade, scones, toasted tea cakes,
lettuce sandwich, cucumber sandwich, cakes, gateaux, pastry, Welsh rarebit.
- Anything you like. It's true, isn't it? - What?
- We can have anything we like. - Oh. Anything that's on there.
Yes. Well, what's it going to be?
- Just tea. - Just tea? Is that all? Really?
Well, tea for two and, er...
Tea for two.
Wait a minute. What about lemon tea? Look, it's on the menu.
- All right. Lemon tea. - Lemon tea for two.
You know, I nearly missed that. Nearly missed it on the menu.
I didn't see it, and then suddenly I looked and there it was, lemon tea.
Well, how are you? You look marvellous.
Yes? Thanks.
- You're in pretty good trim yourself. - Yes, I am, frankly.
As a matter of fact, I'm always on top of the world.
Quite rested now, are you, after your stay in the nursing home?
- Yes. Oh, thank you very much for the flowers. - Oh, not at all.
Beth and I thought a lot of you.
Yes, we did. A great deal. Especially quite recently.
Ah, lovely! Thank you.
Thank you.
This is fun, isn't it, like this?
Just the two of us... all alone.
You're an intelligent woman. Why don't we make a habit of this, eh?
What do you think?
I'd have to ask my husband.
Oh, yes, of course. We're married, aren't we?
Yes. And that reminds me of what I wanted to talk to you about.
I'll tell you what it is. It's nothing much.
It's just that, um... a letter has come into my hands.
I won't bother to tell you how.
Well, anyhow, I've got this letter on me, you see.
I mean I've got it on me now, in my pocket, you see.
Can I read you some of it?
- Why? - It's from my wife.
"Jake, baby, how are you, honeylamb?
"Are you still managing without me? Poor darling!"
Mummy, look! Look at the bears!
"Don't let your eyes stray to those luscious bits hanging around the set.
"They are no good when it comes to it, as well you know.
"I'm saving myself for you, like you told me,
"although it's pretty difficult, you understand.
"I'm only waiting to soothe you, honeylove.
"How brave, courageous and tough you are to face it all alone."
I've been checking up.
He rang her this morning. Did you know that?
At the studio, he sent her flowers every day. Did you know that?
He's crazy about her, ducky. He's mad about her.
He can't keep off it. Before Beth, there was that other one he had.
What was her name? Oh, it doesn't matter.
Until she got fed up with him.
He's not much good in bed, I understand.
Let go!
You had an abortion, didn't you? Shall I tell you why?
Because Beth's a good girl at heart. She would have left him.
He made you have it so that he could keep Beth.
Yes, she told me, for God's sake! She's a lovely girl.
She's gonna starve for me. She's gonna starve.
I wouldn't even touch her with a barge pole, even if she came crawling to me.
- I want to go. - If he rings her again, or sees her, I'll fry him.
- I'll boil him. You tell him that. - No.
You'd better. He's not a grown man, your husband. He's a puking boy.
He can't lay a girl without the whole world knowing.
Beth says he makes her sick with his slop.
I made her swear on the baby's head that she was telling the truth.
I brought the baby in, and made her swear on his head.
If ever I hear his stinking voice, I'll pull it out of his throat.
You tell him to keep off, well off.
- You tell him yourself. - Listen, tell me something.
Is it true that he likes to...?
- Did you sleep with her? - I've told you a thousand times.
- Did you sleep with Philpot? - God, it's years ago.
Did you?
Yes. Of course I did.
- You told me you hadn't. - So I lied. So what?
- What did you expect me to do? - Here, in the house?
I can't remember. Yes.
Often?
As often as we could.
Well, what's the point? What the hell does it matter?
- What about all the others? - What others?
- The others! - There weren't any others.
How many?
Half a dozen, a dozen. I don't know. What do the numbers matter?
When you were here or when you were away?
When I was away, if that's what you want to hear.
- If it's true. - All right, then. When I was away.
You live in a dream world, you know that?
Why did you marry me? Why?
- Answer me! - You know why.
- What do you think of marriage? - It doesn't exist.
So what? What do you mean?
It doesn't matter what I think. It exists. That's what I think.
- Why did you go to bed with Beth? - Oh...
- Didn't you ever try not to? - Yes.
Yes.
When I was in the nursing home, didn't you mind?
Shh! I minded. Of course I minded. I went to see you every night, didn't I?
- And you met her afterwards. - This is ridiculous. For God's sake!
Where did you meet?
- It's not true. - Near the nursing home?
Somewhere near. How should I know? What are you trying to do?
You're not exactly a model of faithfulness yourself, are you?
I was never unfaithful to anyone in my life, to anyone ever!
What a bloody hypocrite you are.
Did you stay the night?
I wish you'd shut up. I wish you'd die!
How should I die?
I don't know. Leave me.
I can die here.
What shall we do?
Nothing.
I love you.
I've always loved you.
He says you love her.
He says you make her sick with your love.
He's crazy! He's a madman.
Was Philpot the first or were there others before?
- Of course there weren't. - How many? Who were they?
- How often? - There weren't any others.
- Did you bring them here? - How could I bring them here?
- Well, where did you take them? - It never happened.
Did you sleep with her? Did you sleep with Philpot?
I knew you would come, my darling.
Oh, my darling.
I don't know what to do. I wish I knew what to do.
I've been sitting here thinking about it.
And then you came.
Oh, you're trembling.
- Are you cold? - No.
No, it's not cold.
But we've got to face it.
George loved his garden.
He wouldn't want strangers in his garden,
with spades and things, digging up his garden.
I'm not going to do it. I've made up my mind.
- Don't you think I'm right? - Yes.
When the boys get back, we'll have tea.
- Boys? - Pete and Jack.
They came to see me yesterday.
They'll always come, they say.
I'm so pleased you had that sensible operation.
So sensible. It must be so wonderful for Jake
not to have that awful worry over his head any more.
He's worked so hard for you.
They're here. They came in the back gate.
To you!
Well, kick it, man. There you are.
Did you come in the back gate?
Mm-hm.
Did you see who's here?
- Hello. - Hello.
Hello.
- You're looking very well. - Very well.
In a minute we'll have tea.
Pete won the 100 yards.
- Did you? - Yes.
- The 220, too. - Good.
I like your car.
- It's a Floride. - Yes.
It's a good car. Fast.
Did you have lots of traffic?
- Traffic? - On the way down.
No.
I often think...
the birds wake me up now, every morning.
Here you are, then! Well, pick it up!
Good evening.
I hope you're not alarmed by my call.
No.
May I introduce myself to you?
Yes, do.
I'm the new King of Israel,
appointed by Yahweh, the Eternal Lord God.
I've come to give you my blessing.
May I come in for a moment?
Yes. Yes, of course.
Thank you.
I've been anointed.
I am the King of Judah.
I see.
Just a minute.
I have been appointed to fulfil the prophecy in Ezekiel.
The prophecy occurs 72 times in the Book of Ezekiel.
The people are unhappy because they give the gift of their love
to unworthy men and unworthy women.
The continents are no obstruction,
oceans are no impediment.
The Word is the work.
- Here, please. - Thank you.
This will help me.
My aim is to build a radio station in Jerusalem.
Excuse me.
The music of the Word can emanate and issue out
through the miracle of the medium
of the modern channels of communication.
- Hello? - Mrs Armitage?
- She's not here.
- That's you, isn't it? - I don't know what you mean.
All right, give her a message.
Tell her that Beth Conway is pregnant.
And it's not mine. I thought she might be interested.
I'll tell her.
Tell her that my wife is going to have this kid in a public ward,
and if there's any way of stopping her getting a whiff of gas, I shall find it.
- She can't have it. - Oh, she's going to have it, all right.
She's going to wipe its bottom,
she's going to stare at its ugly mug for the rest of her life.
No more gay life for my little Beth. Oh, dear, no.
This kid's going to make her curse Jake Armitage until she's dead.
I'm gonna grind the slime out of her. I'm gonna see that she...
You will be blessed for this.
Cut it out, you...
- Bastard! - Cut it out!
Stop! Cut it out, will you?
You always were the sexiest of my husbands.
- Was I? - Mm-hm.
Why did I leave you?
I was too sexy?
Yes.
Perhaps that was it.
Perhaps I should try all my husbands in turn.
Yes, you could.
One of them's dead, that's the trouble.
Which one?
The one I took over from, remember?
You were a widow at the time.
Oh, yes. Of course.
- He was in the army or something, wasn't he? - That's right.
Killed in action.
You cried when I left you.
You were heartbroken.
Yes, I cried.
That means you must still be mad about me.
Well, I'm not.
Why not?
You've changed.
You go to bed with your clothes on.
That's because I have scars I don't want you to see.
You always had scars.
I have a very new scar.
What about your husband? Doesn't he mind?
No, he doesn't mind.
He did it himself with a monkey wrench.
Excuse me, Mr Armitage.
The gentleman at the end.
Cheers!
How's the wife?
Excuse me a minute.
- Old friend of mine. - Yes, of course.
I'll tell you the last time I saw Cyril...
You don't mind my coming up and speaking to you, do you?
I mean, I know that scriptwriters after a hard day's work at the studio
like to have a little drink in peace.
But when I saw you, I said to myself, "My goodness, there's Jake Armitage.
"I've been to his house, I know him.
"I wonder if he'd mind if I spoke to him."
What makes you think scriptwriters mind being spoken to?
- Don't they? - Scriptwriters love being spoken to.
- Really? - Anyway,
it's not often I get a night out with the boys.
Uh-huh.
Where is your little wife this evening?
She's opening the Chelsea Flower Show.
Go on!
Tell me, do you play snooker?
- Yes, I do, as a matter of fact. - What a shame. I don't.
- What games do you play? - What games?
You know, honestly I can't remember.
What games do you play?
Snooker, for one.
I bet you're pretty good.
- Not as good as you are. - I don't play.
- I don't believe any of that. - Cheers.
You haven't heard the glad tidings yet, have you?
- What's that? - My wife's going to have a baby.
Is that so? I say.
Yes. You and your wife will have to come over and see it.
I understand that she's very interested in children.
Yes, we'd adore to.
How is your wife, by the way?
She's tip-top.
She's attending a reception for the Duchess of Dubrovnik.
I thought she was the Duchess of Dubrovnik.
My wife? No, not at all.
Well, you're not the bloody Duke, anyway.
You've made me wet!
Yes.
Shall I stay?
No, you can't.
- Killer. - What do you mean, killer?
Who have I killed?
It's him.
He's responsible.
I've been faithful. I've cared.
But his child's inside her.
He phoned while you were asleep.
Did he?
Why?
Is his bed cold?
What has he suffered?
It's me.
Look at me.
I am.
What should I have done?
I didn't want anything else.
There was something we had, for us to keep.
I didn't trust it.
It's gone.
My life is an empty place.
Oh, God.
All this waste.
He phoned to say his father's dead.
...to all that love and fear thee, saying,
Come, ye blessed children of my Father.
Receive the kingdom prepared for you from the beginning of the world.
Grant this, we beseech thee, O merciful Father,
through Jesus Christ, our Mediator and Redeemer.
Amen.
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God
and the Fellowship of the Holy Ghost be with us all evermore.
Amen.
- Come on! - Wait till Mummy sees these!
Come on, Daddy!
- I got some sugar. - Good.
He's run off with my stick.
I'm not pushing you all the way up.
Mark, I thought you were going to shoot me a moment ago.
- Understand? - I'll tell you what. If you...
Oh, boy, I'm flaked!
...cross over my path any more, I'll shoot you.
Yes!
- Where is she? - Upstairs.
Come on!
- Where is she? - Upstairs.
- She must be here. The car's outside. - I'm going to feed the cats.
- Jo? - Mummy! Mummy!
We wondered where you were.
It's Saturday. We thought we'd join you for a while.
Where's the coffee pot?
Ah, you clean it out. And, Dinah, will you get the cups?
- Where are they? - I know.
Anybody bring the milk?
I want the big red ball!
Where's the milk? Dinah, give us the milk.
- Anybody seen the milk? - My big red ball!
- Did you bring any milk for us? - Just a minute.
Where's the opener?
Up on the top shelf.
- Shall I tell you a story? - Here it is.
- And I got ten for algebra! - Do you want cabbage or carrots?
- Oh! - Oh, my word!
Anybody seen the tea cloth?
I've got it. I'll do it.
Do you want one?
Mummy, the goldfish is dead!
- Of course it's dead. - Where's the kittens?
They're upstairs. We'll go upstairs.
Mummy, I want the big red ball!
Yes.
I'll have one.
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